Contrary to popular belief, otakus CAN and DO get involved in relationships. But the exact manner in which they do it is still a mystery wrapped within an enigma, shrouded in secrecy and unknown to anyone. I personally know of a few couples like these who have beaten conventional wisdom to be in a relationship. There’s no point trying to figure out yourself how the otakus got the ladies; let’s just ask the ladies.

So let’s get started, shall we?

Disclaimer: This does not apply to all otakus, so don’t be surprised if you meet an otaku who fits all the stereotypes. You have been warned.

Originally written by: Tori

What is it that otakus possess that normal guys lack?

Efficiency? Hmmm...

ONE: they are LOUD. Yes, they are really, really LOUD.

TWO: they are DEDICATED. They can dedicate more than 16 hours per day doing work, all sort of works in fact. From card games to board games to hardcore computer games; you name it, they have it. Yes, they are capable of doing every single type of ‘work’… except the work that they’re supposed to be doing in the first place. They can also talk about it all day long – breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, between classes, when they meet up, and of course, don’t forget the lovely invention of Gtalk and some of the latest heat among them are either Facebook games, or card games such as Risque or Munchkin. Oh, and let’s not forget DotA.

Confessions from “Person X”:

“Yeah I play it even though I’m bored of it because everyone else is.”

“DotA releases stress somehow. I just like to sit in front of my computer and have a game of DotA when I am really tired.”

THREE: the subconscious application of the concept of “bro’s before ho’s”. Of course they’ll express their “undying” love for you and say that you’re the most important thing in the world. But if that’s the case, the term “action speaks louder than words” wouldn’t have come into existence. For example:

Scenario A:

Girl: I love you.
Guy: I love you too. (deadpan look)
Girl: Lies, you spend your time in front of the computer more than me!
Guy: No, of course I value you more important than some stupid computer game. (same deadpan look)

Scenario B:

Girl text messages the boyfriend at 11:00 A.M. Almost 5 hours later…

Guy: Sorry I couldn’t reply earlier, was busy-
Girl: oh, what are you busy with? (replies immediately as she has been staring and checking at her phone every 5 minutes in case she misses any SMSes from The Guy.)
Guy: Hmm, busy la. Got a lot of things to do. Anyways, going to take an afternoon nap now, talk to you later.

The girlfriend will eventually find out that yeah, he had been very “busy”: busy talking to friends, playing games… yeah, that kind of “busy”  And ladies, take note: when he says he’s going for an afternoon nap, take that time and add another 2 hours to it, because THAT will be the actual time he takes a nap. The reason is simple: a round of gaming before sleep is the standard common practice accepted among otaku boyfriends worldwide.

A common scene.

FOUR: they are PERVERTS. Seven words are all you need: “They can’t keep their hands off you.” That pretty much sums up everything.

FIVE: this group of people are really egoistic. Emphasis on really. They always pride themselves as being better than everyone else (FYI, some of them are even GOD >:O). But even though it’s painful to admit it, they really are that good. (Damn it!)

SIX: (and boy oh boy, you’re gonna agree with me on this one!) either they get emo at the snap of the finger, or they’re in a constant state of emo-ness… and you won’t really know why. There’s a saying that a woman’s a pain in the ass because they complain too much. If that’s the case, what do you call this “new-modern-evolutionary behaviour” in males?  Next thing you know, things like this may become all-too-common:

“Hey you are asking for it from the day you females wanted equality so yeah, we don’t have to put up with you anymore and we get to be as emo as we want. Screw female-period-emotional-days. The IN thing now is hey-guys-get-emotional-periods-and-it’s-scientifically-proven. What you gonna do about it?”

SEVEN: like any other guys, these otakus really know how to spend their pocket money… just not in things normal guys spend their pocket money on. A normal guy would spend money on, but not limited to: food, girlfriend, movies, clothes, facial products, hair products, gadgets, etc. Otakus? See if you can spot the difference: food, figurines, computer gadgets, computer games, online games, Japanese Idol concert tickets… did I mention computer gadgets?

Your priorities, are they in check?

2GB RAM? Not enough. 21” monitor? Definitely not! Super sensitive wireless gaming mouse? Not sensitive enough! They MUST own the latest OS (Windows 7 is awsm, btw. -Ed I believe in XP -MS.), they MUST compete on who can get the latest/biggest/thinnest/highest-resolution monitors, (two monitors for one person? WTF?) and apparently you can even sell a Google Wave invitation for real cash. US Dollars. Yeah. This is how an otaku functions. They don’t care if their hair’s a mess or if their face looks like the surface of the moon. For some reason, they also have this crazy idea that you won’t notice them wearing the exact same T-shirt for the past 3 years.

We do.

EIGHT: these people are made of pure laziness. Their motto (and they swear by this): “Last minute works best”. They can’t seem to drag their asses off their bed for class, but if you need them to attend an anime convention, they can give you a wake-up call and tell you that you’re running late.  They never seem to be able to plan a simple outline for any events, and things never go according to schedule. The word “schedule” is like Kryptonite to them. They procrastinate as much as is humanly possible, resulting in last minute, unorganized, stressful work that could potentially put a strain in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.  They even have a tag line: “Yes, I know, I know.” But the thing we girls don’t understand is this: if you already know, why are you still doing it? (We’re just wired differently. -Ed.) That’s when the frustration kicks in.

NINE, they are a bunch of really rebellious people. In short, they just like to rebel.

So despite all this, why do girls still fall for them?

Indeed, a good question.

ONE: the otakus I know are a bunch of cool, open-minded people. You tell them: “I want sex”, they’ll tell you: “oh yeah” or “yes please,” instead of giving you a bewildered look, thinking you’re a cheap slut. But of course, it doesn’t just revolve around sexual needs. They can understand your point of argument which might sound absurd to normal people. They might not agree with your point, but at least they’ll take the trouble to try to understand what you’re saying. For example, I can walk up to my boyfriend and say something like “Hey I might be bi(sexual) and I like girls too,” and he might just say something like:

Wow, that’s cool. Can we have a threesome?

or

Hmm, threesome is not my thing but yeah, I can always watch you do it with another girl.

instead of

OMIGODDD, my girlfriend is lesbian! She doesn’t love me anymore! She is in love with another girl! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

So yeah, that’s a definite plus.

TWO: they possess a superb vocabulary and their English is god-like, regardless of their race. Chinese, Indian or Malay, it doesn’t matter; they can beat your command of English hands down, and they know it. They can really get creative with their usage of English so that their writing will never bore you to death (you know… those really formal, dull English text). For the perfect example, search for RAGE’s posts in the CF (Comic Fiesta) forum.

THREE: this bunch of people, for one reason or another, are really popular, whether inside or outside MMU (groans and rolls eyes). No matter where you’re walking to, you will have to stop for a few seconds while your boyfriend does his “Datuk” rounds: the handshake, the waves, and the common question of “How are you?” (insert facepalm here). After that, you start realizing that you’ll get people following the two of you wherever you go. It might start with one person, and another, and another, and before you realize it, the whole club is glued to your ass.

Well, not yours technically. They don’t care about your ass. All they care for is the president’s ass. It’ll force you to step back, take a good look at your boyfriend, and wonder “Why does he have that many fanBOYs?” Oh, I forgot to mention one small detail. FanBOYS? They’re all guys. Why? I still can’t seem to find a logical explanation to this bizarre phenomenon. (Now that you mention it… -Ed.)

Maybe not like THIS exactly, but still...

FOUR: they are really smart, capable, special individuals. No, they are most certainly not dumb. In fact, they are far from dumb. (Yes, the repeated emphasis is justified.) You can see it  by the way they talk, the way they retaliate, or even the way they play games. Although most gamers can eventually work out a strategy to win a game, the way these otakus go about it, it’s obvious they’re smartasses (pity they don’t apply it in their studies).

They also have this ability to get away with almost anything they screw up. Late submissions of assignments, poor attendance in class, the works. But don’t misunderstand: they’re completely capable in doing their work… if they put their mind to it. There was once, this person was giving out orders on how things should be done, and for a brief moment I swear that the thought of “I see God” flashed through my mind. Yes, they can have that effect on you if they want to. Creative? Well, it goes without saying. They can come up with awesome memes or seriously sarcastic articles just to bash people up, or they can create works of art out of MS Paint. In other words, they can really surprise you with what they can achieve.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: (and I guess this is one of the main reasons why their girlfriends are still with them after all this time) they really do care about their girlfriends, and this can be seen in all the little details. They’ll get worried if you don’t have enough sleep, they’ll send you at least one SMS a day to to see if you’re really okay, they’ll start panicking if you’re feeling down or unwell (in which case they would walk all the way from their house to check up on you, distance be damned).

They’ll go to great lengths to surprise you, they’ll never leave you alone when it’s at night (at the very least, they’ll make sure you’ve reached your apartment safely before leaving), and they can even be incredibly romantic at times. So you see, despite the fact that you might sometimes feel like pulling your hair out just trying to figure out what they’re doing, deep down you know they truly and deeply care about you.

Maybe they are trying to be the bigger man, or maybe they just don’t realize that they are leaving you out when doing certain things. But at the end of the day, I would always still want to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you.

In the end, it's worth it.

This post is tagged *Otaku, girlfriend, relationship, sex

This post filed in *Feature, *OMG REAL LIFE!, *Otaku