Contrary to popular belief, otakus CAN and DO get involved in relationships. But the exact manner in which they do it is still a mystery wrapped within an enigma, shrouded in secrecy and unknown to anyone.

This time, I’ll be taking the stand to shed some light (hopefully) of why I can’t get enough of my otaku boyfriend… most of the time.

Disclaimer: This is a confession based on personal experiences and does not apply to all otakus, so don’t be surprised if you meet an otaku that fits all the established stereotypes. You have been warned.

Continued from the first post.

Originally written by: miso-soup

How otakus get their girlfriends in the first place

NOT a pic of the author.

That’s a question I ask myself daily. They’re loud, they’re fat, they’re smelly and they’re generally untidy/unhygienic. HOW did they manage to get ultra hot babes (Not this particular girl, though. -Ed.) as their girlfriends?

1. They impress you by the amount of anime knowledge they possess.

Back when she was a freshie, the girl always thought that Japanese cartoons (Note: I used the term “Japanese Cartoons” because back then, NO GIRLS would know that anime was called ‘anime’, and always referred to them as “Japanese cartoons”.) were interesting and funny, but nothing more. (Note: the ‘Japanese cartoons’ that they watched were limited to Bleach and Naruto).

Yes. The completely innocent, naïve young thing entered university and found her attention inevitably drawn to a loud, raucous club booth right in front of her lecture room, playing some really awesome-looking Japanese cartoons, (again, referring to Bleach and Naruto). She was drawn to the awesome cartoons (like a moth drawn to the flames) and signed up for the club happily.

That night, she went to the special screening set up to lure unsuspecting and totally innocent girls with the lure of awesome Japanese cartoons. There, she finally realized how gullible she’s been all these while to have been taken in by JUST Bleach and Naruto. She thought that the show with the mermaid and the weird guy (Note: Seto no Hanayome) and that anime with the crazy dude who sets up bombs everywhere (Note: Full Metal Panic! Fumoffu) was beyond awesome, and couldn’t wait to have more of it.

THIS is the moment where three otakus entered. They’ve actually been sitting behind the girl, staring at her nice curves, and silently plotting on how to lay their hands on her. The first one tried to ask the girl out for lunch. She freaked out. The second one tried to ask the same girl out for a movie. She freaked out too. The third one asked her to meet up somewhere in the library to discuss about some article she happened to be writing… and casually passed her all the episodes of the anime she wanted to watch. (Gee, wonder who this girl is. -Ed.)

The girl was swept off her feet instantly.

GOTCHA.

2. They impress you by their capability to make jokes almost every single minute.

… but I can’t remember any at the moment.

3. They impress you by the amount of gaming knowledge they possess.

He starts easy, by introducing her to an anime version of Tetris. (There’s such a thing? -Ed.) While the girl is completely thrilled about that, he silently sits beside her, takes out his own super-high-tech-bleeding-edge laptop, and starts a game where he controls a character and obtains four magic skills relevant to his character, so that he can enter the enemy’s base and destroy the tower. (Note: If you don’t know that I’m talking about DotA, you suck). This is risky, and there are only TWO possible outcomes from this: (a) The girl doesn’t give a shit about it and will be stuck to her anime-fied Tetris, or (b) The girl thinks that the game is awesome, and demands the guy to teach her how to play.

If you noticed, either option is a win-win for the otaku… so there’s not much of a risk. Heh.

4. They bring you to anime events.

NATURALLY THE GIRL WILL BE COMPLETELY THRILLED SEEING HER FAVORITE CHARACTERS COME TO LIFE. While the girl runs around squealing and asking for pictures to be taken with her favorite characters (cosplayers?), the otaku slowly lets out an evil grin, whips out his own super-high-tech-bleeding-edge camera, and starts taking pictures of those skimpily-dressed female characters to be added to his ever-expanding photo collection. Fufufu.

5. They impress you by their seemingly amazing capability to NOT study at all, and yet, somehow, miraculously, they get a perfect score in class and during exams.

…I mean, like, seriously. How the fuck did they do it? (I’d like to know that, too. -Ed.)

How otakus make their girlfriends mad. REALLY mad.

Angry GF. Not nais.

1. They treat you like a trophy instead of a human being.

Once a relationship is established, they tend to swagger… with class. They hold on to you protectively, and make sure that whoever they’re talking to takes notice of you, and waits patiently for them to ask “WOW, is this your girlfriend?” They would then wait for a bit (dramatic pause) before replying “yes” proudly. Once that’s done, they let go of you, and you become nothing more than part of the background while they discuss about PSP games or whatever else.

2. They have fetishes.

Answer me this: WHO WON’T GET FREAKED OUT IF YOU’RE FORCED TO DRESS IN A BUNNY SUIT EVERY TIME BEFORE HAVING SEX?

I mean, it’s difficult to remove them, don’t you think so?

3. They’re always busy/late.

Sometimes you just don’t get them. I mean, aren’t they’re the ones who asked you out for a goddamn date in the first place? Aren’t they’re the ones who asked to meet up with you? Instead, they either show up at two hours late and claim that the toilet is occupied/the goddamn lift takes too long to come down, or they tell you, without batting even an eyelid: “I had some stuff, sorry.”

Of course, these things DO happen once in a while, so the girl can’t really get that angry. But what if she find out laters that the otaku boyfriends was actually in the middle of a DotA game, or busy saving Azeroth, or busy saving Aiur, or whatever the fuck it was?

“Come on, it’s a matter between life and death dammit! Your girlfriend can wait for one hour, no problem!”

Do you know where your girlfriend is now?

Once the lovey-dovey “honeymoon” period is over, you find that your otaku boyfriends are actually spending more time with his friends discussing card games or PSP games than with you. The girl usually starts hating these friends, and always gets annoyed when they show up suddenly after your romantic dinner with him. He starts talking with them loudly, and she gets really tired and would like nothing better than to go home, but he insists on you staying for ‘a little while longer’, and continues chatting with them as if nothing is more important than Final Fantasy Dissidia. (Nothing against the game, though. -Ed.)

5. They guard their in-game possessions with extreme prejudice.

What’swrong with lending you 500,000 zeny in RO (Note: Ragnarok Online)? It’s not like you’re never gonna return them. YOU’RE THE FRICKIN’ GIRLFRIEND! Shouldn’t he be giving the money to you, like what a normal guy should do?

Why their girlfriends can never be mad at them forever

The best feeling.

1. They’re always extremely patient when dealing with your tantrums.

They know you’re mad at them, and they always apologize. But sometimes you’re mad at them for no apparent reason, and then you’re mad at yourself for being mad at them. They’ll apologize anyway. Then they’ll hug you and whisper “I still love you, you know” in your ears.

2. They do the stupidest things, which makes you smile.

You say you’re not hungry, but they send a McDonald’s meal up to your room anyway.

You say you’re not thirsty, but they run all the way to a 7-Eleven (usually a ten-minute walk from the apartment) to get you a drink anyway.

You just missed a movie, and you’re extremely unhappy about it, and you’re trying not to let it show. He decided to skip his classes just to watch the next movie with you, and assures you that he won’t fail his subject, despite you protesting.

You say you’re fine, only a little bit feverish. He “steals” his roommate’s car (Wait what? -Ed.), and drives all the way to your house just to give you some Panadols and painkillers.

You tell him your lecturer’s being an ass and not letting you guys out, and asks him to go back home first. He waits outside your classroom for 2 hours anyway.

3. They’re cute when they’re jealous.

Self-explanatory. :3

4. They do little things for you when you least expect them to.

You wake up one morning to find your laptop completely virus-free and spyware-free and malware-free, with a wallpaper of your favorite anime character and an awesome-looking anime theme instead of the usual lame Microsoft theme.

You notice that your iPod has some of your latest favorite songs in it, but you don’t remember ever downloading them.

You notice your phone ringtone has been set to “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift.

5. And lastly, even though they may not seem like it, but they really do love you.

Guaranteed.

This post is tagged *Otaku, girlfriend, relationship, sex

This post filed in *Feature, *OMG REAL LIFE!, *Otaku