Contrary to popular belief, otakus CAN and DO get involved in relationships. But the exact manner in which they do it is still a mystery wrapped within an enigma, shrouded in secrecy and unknown to anyone.

This time, my friend takes over the stage, to share her love-hate relationship with her otaku boyfriend… and hopefully shed some light on what he thinks. Hopefully.

Disclaimer: This is a confession based on personal experiences and does not apply to all otakus, so don’t be surprised if you meet an otaku that fits all the established stereotypes. You have been warned.

Continued from the first and second post.

Originally written by: usagi

The Otaku’s Hierarchy of Needs

It's psychology.

Have you heard of the Otaku’s Hierarchy of Needs? No? Well, for starters, it’s an adaptation of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and this is a MUST for those who study business management! For those who are not clear on what is Maslow’s hierarchy, here’s your brief explanation. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is pre-determined in order of importance.

Fig. 1: Maslow's Hierachy of Needs

So yeah, there are five levels in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. However, we’re here to talk about the Otaku’s Hierarchy of Needs. Can you guess how many levels there are?

Fig. 2: Otaku's Hierachy of Needs

This hierarchy has been constructed based on the observation of, and research done on, the three famous otakus in one particularly well-known anime society. (Famous, as in you wouldn’t have any PRIVACY if you are dating them. There are lots of stalkers behind them, anywhere and anytime.)

Their basic needs are gaming, be it electronic or otherwise. That’s followed by entertaining friends, work, studies, and sleeping. So where does the girlfriend come in this hierarchy? Good question. Based on my observation and research, I have hypothesized that otakus actually place their girlfriends outside the hierarchy!

Hilarious, I tell you! Otakus lament the fact that they’re surrounded by 2D (Only some… -Ed.), but when they get themselves involved in a romantic relationship, their girlfriends aren’t even included in the otaku hierarchy?! I wonder what goes on through their minds. To lend some weight to my presentation (Wait, what? -Ed.), here are some case studies, in the form of a real conversation between an otaku and his girlfriend.

Let's see what we have here...

Point…

Case 1: Girl has accompanied otaku all night long until 3.00 a.m. She’s bored, and tired from being bored. Meanwhile, said otaku has ignored her and is deep in a gaming session with his buddies.

Girl: Dear, I want to go back and sleep.
Otaku: Are you sure you want to go back? (his eyes are still glued to the computer screen, involved in a game.)
Girl: Ya.
Otaku: Uh, ok. Nite nite, Dear. (he glances over to the girl for just a split-second before being sucked into the game again.)

Otaku’s P.O.V: What the hell? I can’t just stop the in the middle of a game, you know?!
Girlfriend’s P.O.V: Can’t you walk me back home since its 3 a.m? It’s very dangerous for a girl to walk alone in the middle of the night. *sighs*

Case 2: At a holiday villa during a Halloween party at a resort

Girl 2: Where is your boyfriend?
Girl 3: Having fun in the pool.
Girl 1: Oh ya, my boyfriend in the pool too. Same as yours.
Girl 1 & 3: So nice, her boyfriend didn’t get into the pool…. /envy
Boy 2: I put my glasses here, ya. (runs like a maniac towards the edge of the pool and does a cannonball.)
All 3 girls: Boys. (all of them facepalm)

A while later…

Boy 3: I want my towel. It’s cold here. (stands outside the main door shievering.)
Girl 3 quickly get his towel and helps him dry up a bit before getting into the villa.
Boy 3: (steps on a towel and walks towards the nearest toilet in villa.) Where are my pants? Underwear?
Girl 3: Here you go. (switches on the heater and takes off his wet clothes.)
Boy 3: Thanks, dear. (closes the door and showers.)

Girl 3’s P.O.V: Why do I still bother? I should’ve known he’d choose the pool over me. Otakus wouldn’t appreciate all the little things that the girlfriend does. Instead, he’ll complain that his girlfriend doesn’t care about him and doesn’t know how to entertain him =.=

"I know, I feel you."

Case 3: Otaku is still playing computer games with his buddies, even though he needs to finish work in 6 hours’ time.

Girl: Can you finish your work first before playing your games?
Otaku: One more game, okay? (does the puppy-dog eyes.)
Girl: Hmm… Okay. (naively thinks he’ll keep his word.)

A while later…

(Game finished)

Otaku: One more game, okay? Just one more, I promise. (puppy-dog eyes again.)
Girl: Hmmmmmmmmm… Okay. (naively thinks he’ll keep his word… again.)

A while after that…

(Game finished)

Otaku: This will be the last one! Okay? (puppy-dog eyes again.)
Girl: Okay. (not hiding the frustration in her voice.)

Still later…

(Game finished)

Otaku: Last one! Last one! Really! This will be the last one. I’ll finish my work after that. (puppy-dog eyes AGAIN!)
Girl: I’M GOING BACK HOME! BYE!
Otaku continues with his game.

The Girl sends the otaku a stern SMS asking him to stop playing games and complete his work. She then sets her phone to silent and goes to sleep. After waking up, she discovers more than 20 missed calls from the otaku, blaming her for “lack of moral support”.

Otaku’s POV: Gaming can help me to release my stress on work.
Girlfriend’s POV: Gaming will only waste all your energy! BAKA!!!

Even superheroes need to learn a thing or two.

…and counter-point.

But why is it, that despite moments like those stated above, do the girls still consciously choose to remain with their otaku boyfriends?

Maybe it’s because of moments like these:

Case 1: After an intense argument

After an intense argument with him, I switched off my phone and went for my night class. I was angry because I felt like I was being taken for granted. When I eventually switched on my phone, I saw several missed calls from him. By the time I switched on my computer back home, there was an e-mail from him, entitled “An Apology Silly Little Me”. I read it… and felt a sudden, intense longing for him. I messaged him back: “This person is going to get gastric pain if you don’t take her to supper.”

He reached my gate in less than 5 minutes, when it normally takes 10 minutes. He drove so fast to McDonald’s, I’m surprised he didn’t get a speeding ticket. It was around 11 p.m. I got a good look at him when we got there; hie eyes were red and swollen. He was probably crying before he got my SMS. After a bit talking, my suspicion was confirmed. The poor otaku started panicking at the thought of me breaking up with him.

It’s a scene that I still remember vividly, up to this day.

Case 2: Getting sick during the swine flu season

This was the second time I got sick after coupling up with him. After being in contact with a friend who later diagnosed as having swine flu, I got its symptoms: fever, headache, sore throat, etc. In the middle of the night, I woke up to a severe headache and fever. I called him saying that I need to get to a hospital as I feel very uncomfortable. Again, he threw caution to the wind and drove like a maniac to the hospital. It was around 4 a.m, if I remember correctly.

Luckily it was just a normal flu, and I recovered after three days. I thank God that he didn’t get affected since the hospital attendant was unwilling to give him a mask.

There are always two sides to a story. Likewise, there are always two sides to an otaku. Sometimes I wish I could inflict intense personal harm on him, just for the pure sadistic pleasure of it. But most of the time, I can’t get enough of this self-absorbed, shallow, blur otaku boyfriend of mine.

It's a constant balance between love and hate.

P.S: All examples given here based on personal experiences… okay, my experiences. They may not will not do not apply to everyone.

This post is tagged *Otaku, girlfriend, relationship, sex

This post filed in *Feature, *OMG REAL LIFE!, *Otaku