This time, my friend takes over the stage, to share her love-hate relationship with her otaku boyfriend… and hopefully shed some light on what he thinks. Hopefully.

Disclaimer: This is a confession based on personal experiences and does not apply to all otakus, so don’t be surprised if you meet an otaku that fits all the established stereotypes. You have been warned.

Continued from the first and second post.

Originally written by: usagi

The Otaku’s Hierarchy of Needs

It's psychology.

Have you heard of the Otaku’s Hierarchy of Needs? No? Well, for starters, it’s an adaptation of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and this is a MUST for those who study business management! For those who are not clear on what is Maslow’s hierarchy, here’s your brief explanation. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is pre-determined in order of importance.

Fig. 1: Maslow's Hierachy of Needs

So yeah, there are five levels in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. However, we’re here to talk about the Otaku’s Hierarchy of Needs. Can you guess how many levels there are?

Fig. 2: Otaku's Hierachy of Needs

This hierarchy has been constructed based on the observation of, and research done on, the three famous otakus in one particularly well-known anime society. (Famous, as in you wouldn’t have any PRIVACY if you are dating them. There are lots of stalkers behind them, anywhere and anytime.)

Their basic needs are gaming, be it electronic or otherwise. That’s followed by entertaining friends, work, studies, and sleeping. So where does the girlfriend come in this hierarchy? Good question. Based on my observation and research, I have hypothesized that otakus actually place their girlfriends outside the hierarchy!

Hilarious, I tell you! Otakus lament the fact that they’re surrounded by 2D (Only some… -Ed.), but when they get themselves involved in a romantic relationship, their girlfriends aren’t even included in the otaku hierarchy?! I wonder what goes on through their minds. To lend some weight to my presentation (Wait, what? -Ed.), here are some case studies, in the form of a real conversation between an otaku and his girlfriend.

Let's see what we have here...

Point…

Case 1: Girl has accompanied otaku all night long until 3.00 a.m. She’s bored, and tired from being bored. Meanwhile, said otaku has ignored her and is deep in a gaming session with his buddies.

Girl: Dear, I want to go back and sleep.
Otaku: Are you sure you want to go back? (his eyes are still glued to the computer screen, involved in a game.)
Girl: Ya.
Otaku: Uh, ok. Nite nite, Dear. (he glances over to the girl for just a split-second before being sucked into the game again.)

Otaku’s P.O.V: What the hell? I can’t just stop the in the middle of a game, you know?!
Girlfriend’s P.O.V: Can’t you walk me back home since its 3 a.m? It’s very dangerous for a girl to walk alone in the middle of the night. *sighs*

Case 2: At a holiday villa during a Halloween party at a resort

Girl 2: Where is your boyfriend?
Girl 3: Having fun in the pool.
Girl 1: Oh ya, my boyfriend in the pool too. Same as yours.
Girl 1 & 3: So nice, her boyfriend didn’t get into the pool…. /envy
Boy 2: I put my glasses here, ya. (runs like a maniac towards the edge of the pool and does a cannonball.)
All 3 girls: Boys. (all of them facepalm)

A while later…

Boy 3: I want my towel. It’s cold here. (stands outside the main door shievering.)
Girl 3 quickly get his towel and helps him dry up a bit before getting into the villa.
Boy 3: (steps on a towel and walks towards the nearest toilet in villa.) Where are my pants? Underwear?
Girl 3: Here you go. (switches on the heater and takes off his wet clothes.)
Boy 3: Thanks, dear. (closes the door and showers.)

Girl 3’s P.O.V: Why do I still bother? I should’ve known he’d choose the pool over me. Otakus wouldn’t appreciate all the little things that the girlfriend does. Instead, he’ll complain that his girlfriend doesn’t care about him and doesn’t know how to entertain him =.=

"I know, I feel you."

Case 3: Otaku is still playing computer games with his buddies, even though he needs to finish work in 6 hours’ time.

Girl: Can you finish your work first before playing your games?
Otaku: One more game, okay? (does the puppy-dog eyes.)
Girl: Hmm… Okay. (naively thinks he’ll keep his word.)

A while later…

(Game finished)

Otaku: One more game, okay? Just one more, I promise. (puppy-dog eyes again.)
Girl: Hmmmmmmmmm… Okay. (naively thinks he’ll keep his word… again.)

A while after that…

(Game finished)

Otaku: This will be the last one! Okay? (puppy-dog eyes again.)
Girl: Okay. (not hiding the frustration in her voice.)

Still later…

(Game finished)

Otaku: Last one! Last one! Really! This will be the last one. I’ll finish my work after that. (puppy-dog eyes AGAIN!)
Girl: I’M GOING BACK HOME! BYE!
Otaku continues with his game.

The Girl sends the otaku a stern SMS asking him to stop playing games and complete his work. She then sets her phone to silent and goes to sleep. After waking up, she discovers more than 20 missed calls from the otaku, blaming her for “lack of moral support”.

Otaku’s POV: Gaming can help me to release my stress on work.
Girlfriend’s POV: Gaming will only waste all your energy! BAKA!!!

Even superheroes need to learn a thing or two.

…and counter-point.

But why is it, that despite moments like those stated above, do the girls still consciously choose to remain with their otaku boyfriends?

Maybe it’s because of moments like these:

Case 1: After an intense argument

After an intense argument with him, I switched off my phone and went for my night class. I was angry because I felt like I was being taken for granted. When I eventually switched on my phone, I saw several missed calls from him. By the time I switched on my computer back home, there was an e-mail from him, entitled “An Apology Silly Little Me”. I read it… and felt a sudden, intense longing for him. I messaged him back: “This person is going to get gastric pain if you don’t take her to supper.”

He reached my gate in less than 5 minutes, when it normally takes 10 minutes. He drove so fast to McDonald’s, I’m surprised he didn’t get a speeding ticket. It was around 11 p.m. I got a good look at him when we got there; hie eyes were red and swollen. He was probably crying before he got my SMS. After a bit talking, my suspicion was confirmed. The poor otaku started panicking at the thought of me breaking up with him.

It’s a scene that I still remember vividly, up to this day.

Case 2: Getting sick during the swine flu season

This was the second time I got sick after coupling up with him. After being in contact with a friend who later diagnosed as having swine flu, I got its symptoms: fever, headache, sore throat, etc. In the middle of the night, I woke up to a severe headache and fever. I called him saying that I need to get to a hospital as I feel very uncomfortable. Again, he threw caution to the wind and drove like a maniac to the hospital. It was around 4 a.m, if I remember correctly.

Luckily it was just a normal flu, and I recovered after three days. I thank God that he didn’t get affected since the hospital attendant was unwilling to give him a mask.

There are always two sides to a story. Likewise, there are always two sides to an otaku. Sometimes I wish I could inflict intense personal harm on him, just for the pure sadistic pleasure of it. But most of the time, I can’t get enough of this self-absorbed, shallow, blur otaku boyfriend of mine.

It's a constant balance between love and hate.

P.S: All examples given here based on personal experiences… okay, my experiences. They may not will not do not apply to everyone.

This time, I’ll be taking the stand to shed some light (hopefully) of why I can’t get enough of my otaku boyfriend… most of the time.

Disclaimer: This is a confession based on personal experiences and does not apply to all otakus, so don’t be surprised if you meet an otaku that fits all the established stereotypes. You have been warned.

Continued from the first post.

Originally written by: miso-soup

How otakus get their girlfriends in the first place

NOT a pic of the author.

That’s a question I ask myself daily. They’re loud, they’re fat, they’re smelly and they’re generally untidy/unhygienic. HOW did they manage to get ultra hot babes (Not this particular girl, though. -Ed.) as their girlfriends?

1. They impress you by the amount of anime knowledge they possess.

Back when she was a freshie, the girl always thought that Japanese cartoons (Note: I used the term “Japanese Cartoons” because back then, NO GIRLS would know that anime was called ‘anime’, and always referred to them as “Japanese cartoons”.) were interesting and funny, but nothing more. (Note: the ‘Japanese cartoons’ that they watched were limited to Bleach and Naruto).

Yes. The completely innocent, naïve young thing entered university and found her attention inevitably drawn to a loud, raucous club booth right in front of her lecture room, playing some really awesome-looking Japanese cartoons, (again, referring to Bleach and Naruto). She was drawn to the awesome cartoons (like a moth drawn to the flames) and signed up for the club happily.

That night, she went to the special screening set up to lure unsuspecting and totally innocent girls with the lure of awesome Japanese cartoons. There, she finally realized how gullible she’s been all these while to have been taken in by JUST Bleach and Naruto. She thought that the show with the mermaid and the weird guy (Note: Seto no Hanayome) and that anime with the crazy dude who sets up bombs everywhere (Note: Full Metal Panic! Fumoffu) was beyond awesome, and couldn’t wait to have more of it.

THIS is the moment where three otakus entered. They’ve actually been sitting behind the girl, staring at her nice curves, and silently plotting on how to lay their hands on her. The first one tried to ask the girl out for lunch. She freaked out. The second one tried to ask the same girl out for a movie. She freaked out too. The third one asked her to meet up somewhere in the library to discuss about some article she happened to be writing… and casually passed her all the episodes of the anime she wanted to watch. (Gee, wonder who this girl is. -Ed.)

The girl was swept off her feet instantly.

GOTCHA.

2. They impress you by their capability to make jokes almost every single minute.

… but I can’t remember any at the moment.

3. They impress you by the amount of gaming knowledge they possess.

He starts easy, by introducing her to an anime version of Tetris. (There’s such a thing? -Ed.) While the girl is completely thrilled about that, he silently sits beside her, takes out his own super-high-tech-bleeding-edge laptop, and starts a game where he controls a character and obtains four magic skills relevant to his character, so that he can enter the enemy’s base and destroy the tower. (Note: If you don’t know that I’m talking about DotA, you suck). This is risky, and there are only TWO possible outcomes from this: (a) The girl doesn’t give a shit about it and will be stuck to her anime-fied Tetris, or (b) The girl thinks that the game is awesome, and demands the guy to teach her how to play.

If you noticed, either option is a win-win for the otaku… so there’s not much of a risk. Heh.

4. They bring you to anime events.

NATURALLY THE GIRL WILL BE COMPLETELY THRILLED SEEING HER FAVORITE CHARACTERS COME TO LIFE. While the girl runs around squealing and asking for pictures to be taken with her favorite characters (cosplayers?), the otaku slowly lets out an evil grin, whips out his own super-high-tech-bleeding-edge camera, and starts taking pictures of those skimpily-dressed female characters to be added to his ever-expanding photo collection. Fufufu.

5. They impress you by their seemingly amazing capability to NOT study at all, and yet, somehow, miraculously, they get a perfect score in class and during exams.

…I mean, like, seriously. How the fuck did they do it? (I’d like to know that, too. -Ed.)

How otakus make their girlfriends mad. REALLY mad.

Angry GF. Not nais.

1. They treat you like a trophy instead of a human being.

Once a relationship is established, they tend to swagger… with class. They hold on to you protectively, and make sure that whoever they’re talking to takes notice of you, and waits patiently for them to ask “WOW, is this your girlfriend?” They would then wait for a bit (dramatic pause) before replying “yes” proudly. Once that’s done, they let go of you, and you become nothing more than part of the background while they discuss about PSP games or whatever else.

2. They have fetishes.

Answer me this: WHO WON’T GET FREAKED OUT IF YOU’RE FORCED TO DRESS IN A BUNNY SUIT EVERY TIME BEFORE HAVING SEX?

I mean, it’s difficult to remove them, don’t you think so?

3. They’re always busy/late.

Sometimes you just don’t get them. I mean, aren’t they’re the ones who asked you out for a goddamn date in the first place? Aren’t they’re the ones who asked to meet up with you? Instead, they either show up at two hours late and claim that the toilet is occupied/the goddamn lift takes too long to come down, or they tell you, without batting even an eyelid: “I had some stuff, sorry.”

Of course, these things DO happen once in a while, so the girl can’t really get that angry. But what if she find out laters that the otaku boyfriends was actually in the middle of a DotA game, or busy saving Azeroth, or busy saving Aiur, or whatever the fuck it was?

“Come on, it’s a matter between life and death dammit! Your girlfriend can wait for one hour, no problem!”

Do you know where your girlfriend is now?

Once the lovey-dovey “honeymoon” period is over, you find that your otaku boyfriends are actually spending more time with his friends discussing card games or PSP games than with you. The girl usually starts hating these friends, and always gets annoyed when they show up suddenly after your romantic dinner with him. He starts talking with them loudly, and she gets really tired and would like nothing better than to go home, but he insists on you staying for ‘a little while longer’, and continues chatting with them as if nothing is more important than Final Fantasy Dissidia. (Nothing against the game, though. -Ed.)

5. They guard their in-game possessions with extreme prejudice.

What’swrong with lending you 500,000 zeny in RO (Note: Ragnarok Online)? It’s not like you’re never gonna return them. YOU’RE THE FRICKIN’ GIRLFRIEND! Shouldn’t he be giving the money to you, like what a normal guy should do?

Why their girlfriends can never be mad at them forever

The best feeling.

1. They’re always extremely patient when dealing with your tantrums.

They know you’re mad at them, and they always apologize. But sometimes you’re mad at them for no apparent reason, and then you’re mad at yourself for being mad at them. They’ll apologize anyway. Then they’ll hug you and whisper “I still love you, you know” in your ears.

2. They do the stupidest things, which makes you smile.

You say you’re not hungry, but they send a McDonald’s meal up to your room anyway.

You say you’re not thirsty, but they run all the way to a 7-Eleven (usually a ten-minute walk from the apartment) to get you a drink anyway.

You just missed a movie, and you’re extremely unhappy about it, and you’re trying not to let it show. He decided to skip his classes just to watch the next movie with you, and assures you that he won’t fail his subject, despite you protesting.

You say you’re fine, only a little bit feverish. He “steals” his roommate’s car (Wait what? -Ed.), and drives all the way to your house just to give you some Panadols and painkillers.

You tell him your lecturer’s being an ass and not letting you guys out, and asks him to go back home first. He waits outside your classroom for 2 hours anyway.

3. They’re cute when they’re jealous.

Self-explanatory. :3

4. They do little things for you when you least expect them to.

You wake up one morning to find your laptop completely virus-free and spyware-free and malware-free, with a wallpaper of your favorite anime character and an awesome-looking anime theme instead of the usual lame Microsoft theme.

You notice that your iPod has some of your latest favorite songs in it, but you don’t remember ever downloading them.

You notice your phone ringtone has been set to “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift.

5. And lastly, even though they may not seem like it, but they really do love you.

Guaranteed.

So let’s get started, shall we?

Disclaimer: This does not apply to all otakus, so don’t be surprised if you meet an otaku who fits all the stereotypes. You have been warned.

Originally written by: Tori

What is it that otakus possess that normal guys lack?

Efficiency? Hmmm...

ONE: they are LOUD. Yes, they are really, really LOUD.

TWO: they are DEDICATED. They can dedicate more than 16 hours per day doing work, all sort of works in fact. From card games to board games to hardcore computer games; you name it, they have it. Yes, they are capable of doing every single type of ‘work’… except the work that they’re supposed to be doing in the first place. They can also talk about it all day long – breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, between classes, when they meet up, and of course, don’t forget the lovely invention of Gtalk and some of the latest heat among them are either Facebook games, or card games such as Risque or Munchkin. Oh, and let’s not forget DotA.

Confessions from “Person X”:

“Yeah I play it even though I’m bored of it because everyone else is.”

“DotA releases stress somehow. I just like to sit in front of my computer and have a game of DotA when I am really tired.”

THREE: the subconscious application of the concept of “bro’s before ho’s”. Of course they’ll express their “undying” love for you and say that you’re the most important thing in the world. But if that’s the case, the term “action speaks louder than words” wouldn’t have come into existence. For example:

Scenario A:

Girl: I love you.
Guy: I love you too. (deadpan look)
Girl: Lies, you spend your time in front of the computer more than me!
Guy: No, of course I value you more important than some stupid computer game. (same deadpan look)

Scenario B:

Girl text messages the boyfriend at 11:00 A.M. Almost 5 hours later…

Guy: Sorry I couldn’t reply earlier, was busy-
Girl: oh, what are you busy with? (replies immediately as she has been staring and checking at her phone every 5 minutes in case she misses any SMSes from The Guy.)
Guy: Hmm, busy la. Got a lot of things to do. Anyways, going to take an afternoon nap now, talk to you later.

The girlfriend will eventually find out that yeah, he had been very “busy”: busy talking to friends, playing games… yeah, that kind of “busy”  And ladies, take note: when he says he’s going for an afternoon nap, take that time and add another 2 hours to it, because THAT will be the actual time he takes a nap. The reason is simple: a round of gaming before sleep is the standard common practice accepted among otaku boyfriends worldwide.

A common scene.

FOUR: they are PERVERTS. Seven words are all you need: “They can’t keep their hands off you.” That pretty much sums up everything.

FIVE: this group of people are really egoistic. Emphasis on really. They always pride themselves as being better than everyone else (FYI, some of them are even GOD >:O). But even though it’s painful to admit it, they really are that good. (Damn it!)

SIX: (and boy oh boy, you’re gonna agree with me on this one!) either they get emo at the snap of the finger, or they’re in a constant state of emo-ness… and you won’t really know why. There’s a saying that a woman’s a pain in the ass because they complain too much. If that’s the case, what do you call this “new-modern-evolutionary behaviour” in males?  Next thing you know, things like this may become all-too-common:

“Hey you are asking for it from the day you females wanted equality so yeah, we don’t have to put up with you anymore and we get to be as emo as we want. Screw female-period-emotional-days. The IN thing now is hey-guys-get-emotional-periods-and-it’s-scientifically-proven. What you gonna do about it?”

SEVEN: like any other guys, these otakus really know how to spend their pocket money… just not in things normal guys spend their pocket money on. A normal guy would spend money on, but not limited to: food, girlfriend, movies, clothes, facial products, hair products, gadgets, etc. Otakus? See if you can spot the difference: food, figurines, computer gadgets, computer games, online games, Japanese Idol concert tickets… did I mention computer gadgets?

Your priorities, are they in check?

2GB RAM? Not enough. 21” monitor? Definitely not! Super sensitive wireless gaming mouse? Not sensitive enough! They MUST own the latest OS (Windows 7 is awsm, btw. -Ed I believe in XP -MS.), they MUST compete on who can get the latest/biggest/thinnest/highest-resolution monitors, (two monitors for one person? WTF?) and apparently you can even sell a Google Wave invitation for real cash. US Dollars. Yeah. This is how an otaku functions. They don’t care if their hair’s a mess or if their face looks like the surface of the moon. For some reason, they also have this crazy idea that you won’t notice them wearing the exact same T-shirt for the past 3 years.

We do.

EIGHT: these people are made of pure laziness. Their motto (and they swear by this): “Last minute works best”. They can’t seem to drag their asses off their bed for class, but if you need them to attend an anime convention, they can give you a wake-up call and tell you that you’re running late.  They never seem to be able to plan a simple outline for any events, and things never go according to schedule. The word “schedule” is like Kryptonite to them. They procrastinate as much as is humanly possible, resulting in last minute, unorganized, stressful work that could potentially put a strain in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.  They even have a tag line: “Yes, I know, I know.” But the thing we girls don’t understand is this: if you already know, why are you still doing it? (We’re just wired differently. -Ed.) That’s when the frustration kicks in.

NINE, they are a bunch of really rebellious people. In short, they just like to rebel.

So despite all this, why do girls still fall for them?

Indeed, a good question.

ONE: the otakus I know are a bunch of cool, open-minded people. You tell them: “I want sex”, they’ll tell you: “oh yeah” or “yes please,” instead of giving you a bewildered look, thinking you’re a cheap slut. But of course, it doesn’t just revolve around sexual needs. They can understand your point of argument which might sound absurd to normal people. They might not agree with your point, but at least they’ll take the trouble to try to understand what you’re saying. For example, I can walk up to my boyfriend and say something like “Hey I might be bi(sexual) and I like girls too,” and he might just say something like:

Wow, that’s cool. Can we have a threesome?

or

Hmm, threesome is not my thing but yeah, I can always watch you do it with another girl.

instead of

OMIGODDD, my girlfriend is lesbian! She doesn’t love me anymore! She is in love with another girl! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

So yeah, that’s a definite plus.

TWO: they possess a superb vocabulary and their English is god-like, regardless of their race. Chinese, Indian or Malay, it doesn’t matter; they can beat your command of English hands down, and they know it. They can really get creative with their usage of English so that their writing will never bore you to death (you know… those really formal, dull English text). For the perfect example, search for RAGE’s posts in the CF (Comic Fiesta) forum.

THREE: this bunch of people, for one reason or another, are really popular, whether inside or outside MMU (groans and rolls eyes). No matter where you’re walking to, you will have to stop for a few seconds while your boyfriend does his “Datuk” rounds: the handshake, the waves, and the common question of “How are you?” (insert facepalm here). After that, you start realizing that you’ll get people following the two of you wherever you go. It might start with one person, and another, and another, and before you realize it, the whole club is glued to your ass.

Well, not yours technically. They don’t care about your ass. All they care for is the president’s ass. It’ll force you to step back, take a good look at your boyfriend, and wonder “Why does he have that many fanBOYs?” Oh, I forgot to mention one small detail. FanBOYS? They’re all guys. Why? I still can’t seem to find a logical explanation to this bizarre phenomenon. (Now that you mention it… -Ed.)

Maybe not like THIS exactly, but still...

FOUR: they are really smart, capable, special individuals. No, they are most certainly not dumb. In fact, they are far from dumb. (Yes, the repeated emphasis is justified.) You can see it  by the way they talk, the way they retaliate, or even the way they play games. Although most gamers can eventually work out a strategy to win a game, the way these otakus go about it, it’s obvious they’re smartasses (pity they don’t apply it in their studies).

They also have this ability to get away with almost anything they screw up. Late submissions of assignments, poor attendance in class, the works. But don’t misunderstand: they’re completely capable in doing their work… if they put their mind to it. There was once, this person was giving out orders on how things should be done, and for a brief moment I swear that the thought of “I see God” flashed through my mind. Yes, they can have that effect on you if they want to. Creative? Well, it goes without saying. They can come up with awesome memes or seriously sarcastic articles just to bash people up, or they can create works of art out of MS Paint. In other words, they can really surprise you with what they can achieve.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: (and I guess this is one of the main reasons why their girlfriends are still with them after all this time) they really do care about their girlfriends, and this can be seen in all the little details. They’ll get worried if you don’t have enough sleep, they’ll send you at least one SMS a day to to see if you’re really okay, they’ll start panicking if you’re feeling down or unwell (in which case they would walk all the way from their house to check up on you, distance be damned).

They’ll go to great lengths to surprise you, they’ll never leave you alone when it’s at night (at the very least, they’ll make sure you’ve reached your apartment safely before leaving), and they can even be incredibly romantic at times. So you see, despite the fact that you might sometimes feel like pulling your hair out just trying to figure out what they’re doing, deep down you know they truly and deeply care about you.

Maybe they are trying to be the bigger man, or maybe they just don’t realize that they are leaving you out when doing certain things. But at the end of the day, I would always still want to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you.

In the end, it's worth it.